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Tell Me About Yourself Example Essay About My Family

Subject: Introducing Yourself to Your Instructor

Introduction

My name is Amit Vaidya. I am from India. I am in my first semester of senior year in Civil Engineering at Clemson University, SC. In this memo, I am going to tell you little bit about my background, interests, achievements and my goals.

Background
I was born in a small village called Bilimora. Bilimora is located about 70 kilometers south of the city of Surat which is 8th largest city in India, in the state of Gujarat. I spent my first 16 years of life in Bilimora. Bilimora is famous for temples, textile mills.

My everyday activities included going to school, playing cricket, watching television, and going to temple at the night time.

I spend my first 16 year of life in Bilimora before moving here in Greenville, SC on August 23, 2002 with my family. I started going to South Side Highschool as a sophomore and was enrolled in ESL program for a year. At South Side, I focused on achieving my goals including learning English language, participating in extracurricular activities, and doing well in all my classes. In my junior year, I had joined Math club, Robotics club and also enrolled in few honor classes. Along with school, I also found a part time job at a local restaurant to help my parents financially. Moving in to a new country and settling there (here) was a huge challenge for me and my family.

Interests
I like playing Chess and Cricket. I
always enjoyed reading, writing and doing math. Growing up as a child and until now, (my adulthood) it has been mine (my) and my parents dream for me to become a Doctor or an Engineer.

----- I decided to become a Civil Engineer because I have always been fascinated by looking at the bridges, buildings, and skyscrapers.
------I decided to become a Civil Engineer because I am always fascinated by looking at the bridges, roads, and skyscrapers.

A degree in Civil Engineering enables me to achieve my goals and also gives me an opportunity to make a difference in the community.

Achievements:
I have achieved many different goals in life. Some of my achievements are bigger than the others, which has given me greater satisfaction. The top five achievements that gave me the greatest personal satisfaction includes:

1. Being student of the month in my English class
2. Getting my first job
3. Going to college
4. Learning English language
5. Getting my driver's license
My achievements have helped me to get ahead in life.

Goals
I hope to get better at technical communication this term. Five years from now, I want to become a project manager of a construction project, and technical communication is one of the most important skills that a project manager should have. As a project manager, my primary goals are managing people, set budgets, and making decisions of all kinds.

need help with editing and grammar
thank you

My name is Amit Vaidya. I am from India. I am in the first semester of my senior year studying Civil Engineering at Clemson University, SC. This sentence makes me a little dizzy with all of the prepositions. You might want to break in into two sentences . . . one telling what you are studying and the other where.I'd like to tell you a little bit about my background, interests, achievements you need a comma here to keep it consistent with the rest of your writing and my goals.

Bilimora is famous for temples,take out the comma and add the word "and" textile mills.

I started going to South Side Highschool high school should be two words) as a sophomore and was enrolled in put either "the" or "an" here ESL program for a year.

Moving in to a new country and was a huge challenge for me and my family.

I like playing Chess and Cricket you don't need to capitalize either chess or cricket. I enjoy reading, writing and doing math.

Growing up as a child and until now, (my adulthood) it has been mine (my) and my parents dream for me to become a Doctor or an Engineer. This sentence is awkward. You might want to reword it to something like: Since I was a child, my parents and I have shared the dream of my becoming a doctor or an engineer.

----- I decided to become a Civil Engineer because I have always been fascinated by bridges, buildings, and skyscrapers.

includes: Should be include

seting budgets

I'll give my ideas to help, along with Eric's ideas.

Here is an idea for this sentence: I spent my first 16 years of life in this city, which is famous for both its temples and its textile mills.

...watching television, and going to temple at night .

While growing up, and even now, it has been my and my parents' dream that I would become a Doctor or an Engineer.

Some of my achievements are bigger than the others, but they all have given me great satisfaction.

Very impressive!! Good luck. :)

first 16 years of my life I spent in

Actually, Quaker_75, "I spent my first 16 years of life" is correct. Your correction introduced an error. In English, the subject comes first in a statement, unless it is preceded by a subordinate clause or the object and subject have been deliberately reversed for a special effect. In this sentence, "I" is the subject, "spent," is the verb, and "first 16 years of my life" is the object.

Subject-Verb-Object is the standard structure.

If I were you, firstly I will think of which one aspect of yourself can mostly attract your Instructor.Then you can emphasize that aspect ,while others you don't need to spend lots of time.

Good luck :-)



I very much enjoyed your paragraph and the portrait of your family! If you'd like to revise with a focus on only grammatical issues (as opposed to the questions of style and personal taste that mwestwood addresses above), here's where I would start:

There's an article missing in the line "She was a single mom for long time"—the phrase is usually "for a long time." (Articles are tough.)

The sentence "My younger brother is studying...

I very much enjoyed your paragraph and the portrait of your family! If you'd like to revise with a focus on only grammatical issues (as opposed to the questions of style and personal taste that mwestwood addresses above), here's where I would start:

There's an article missing in the line "She was a single mom for long time"—the phrase is usually "for a long time." (Articles are tough.)

The sentence "My younger brother is studying in grade 10 at Overfelt high school" sounds grammatically correct to me, but "studying in grade 10" is a phrase that I've heard less often. The more typical way to express that idea might be: "My younger brother is in 10th grade at Overfelt High School." (Also, in the name of the high school, the words "high school" are usually capitalized—so "I go to high school" is just fine, but if you say "I go to Overfelt High School" it has to be capitalized as part of the name "Overfelt High School.")

"He always walks or takes the bus to school because he doesn't has driver" is really close! "Has" should reflect the auxiliary verb "does" (or here "doesn't") next to it: "He always walks or takes the bus to school because he doesn't have driver." "Driver" also needs an article: "he doesn't have driver."

"He always jokes and tells something funny" is also really close! The only thing is that "tell" usually takes a direct object (meaning you have to tell someone). So how about: "He always jokes and says something funny"? Or maybe "He always jokes and tells me funny things"?

"He is a dynamic and talkative" gives me a great picture of your brother's personality! The only grammar problem here is the article (again, articles are tough). "Dynamic" is an adjective (not a noun) so it doesn't require an article. You can just say, "He is dynamic and talkative."

I understand the phrase "we always spend a good time together" with no problems! I think the more typical phrase, though, is "we always have a good time together."

Those are the only grammatical questions I had! Your family sounds wonderful. Best of luck with your studies!